Why?
Because I have found the oasis in the middle of the desert.
Now before you wonder if I have gone over the deep end, let me explain. Life has been really tough lately. I am grieving my son. My new job is very repetitive and boring. I am still very swollen and feeling pretty bad physically, but I don't have any answers as to what is wrong with me. It's not my kidney, my heart, my liver, my blood pressure, or anything else obvious. My PTSD is rearing its ugly head, and the medication changes I have made are bringing some nasty side effects. Finances are really tight still. I am worn and weary.
But I have never felt more blessed.
I am in the desert of suffering. Really, really intense suffering like I have never known before. But in the middle of that suffering I have found the lush oasis. My Lord is there waiting for me with his blood-stained hand stretched out to me. I am constantly pushed to the point of breaking, but can push forward knowing that I am joining my Savior up on the Holy Cross of our Salvation. Something deep within my soul keeps me moving forward, knowing that my suffering is not pointless. My suffering is my prayer, and my life is a constant prayer to the One who loves me with an unconditional love.
Every day at work becomes a mystical experience for me. I am able to listen to my own music through headphones while I work, and I listen to praise music. Through the rhythm of the repetitive work and the music, the Lord speaks to me. Here is what He says:
- It's alright, everything will be okay.
- I know exactly what you are going through.
- I am there for you, just as the bridegroom is for the bride.
- I will comfort you.
- Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
- I will pull you out of the darkness.
- In your emptiness, you are beautiful.
- I love you.
He speaks to all of us if we will take the time to listen. Our struggles are not just coincidental; they are handpicked for us so that we can gain the most spiritual benefit from them. When we feel the smallest and weakest is when we are the strongest. And when you feel lost and alone in a sea of troubles, He will be your lifeboat to keep you afloat. No matter how defeated and lost you are, He is right behind you. All you have to do is turn around and look at Him. I'll leave you with the following very moving video from World Youth Day this year.
Love you all,
Lauren
