Update on my health 5/3/2013

Hello friends,

I wanted to tell you something really amazing that I heard today:

My kidney is back to normal!!!!! (the doctor said "perfect")

All my tests came back within normal range, praise God! I am to continue with the low sodium diet and exercise more. Also, he is lowering my blood pressuremedicine some. Hopefully with commitment and patience the fluid I am retaining should come off of me.

This is the first good health news I've had since before I got the preeclampsia! I have been praying and trusting in the Lord for 3 months, and for 3 months I was getting nothing but bad news from the doctors. My patience has finally paid off.

Surely, I wait for the LORD; who bends down to me and hears my cry,

Draws me up from the pit of destruction, out of the muddy clay, Sets my feet upon rock,

steadies my steps, and puts a new song in my mouth, a hymn to our God.

Many shall look on in fear and they shall trust in the LORD. (Psalm 40:2-4)

The Lord has heard my cry and now I have found the hope I needed to keep going in faith. I'm sure I will struggle and falter again, but it is nice to finally have our prayers answered. And tomorrow we are totally partying and celebrating!!

Love you all, 

Lauren

Dream--Sensitive Material

This morning I had a really bad dream. I was back in the NICU at night with Peter, Nick, and both sets of grandparents. He was not doing well, and somehow the whole scene played out again with very few variations. Except that I was well enough to actively take part in the whole process of his death. It was so surreal. I woke up with tears in my eyes.

I have not been able to go back to that night for a very long time for many reasons. First, it was just so painful that my mind just shuts down when I think of it. Also, I was still very sick. My feet were so swollen that they hurt and I had just gotten off the magnesium sulfate (a very rough drug that lowers blood pressure and prevents seizures by slowing down the entire nervous system). I was so lightheaded that I had to lie down in a reclining chair with a wet washcloth on my head to avoid passing out. The magnesium sulfate has caused my memories of that time to be somewhat spotty.

All I know is that we stayed there with our son laying on our chests, helpless to do anything to help him, and knowing that the doctors had done all they could. Just watching him slowly die. My dream last night took me right back to it, and I was running around trying to get the medical staff to do more for him, but they wouldn't. It makes me cry now just thinking about it, and I have been in a bit of a funk all morning.

I'm not sure what my purpose is in sharing this except that maybe getting it out on "paper" will get it out of my head. During all of this madness, one of my big comforts is that Mary my Mother is holding me up with her mantle wrapped around my shoulders as I cry. She knows what it's like. She has been there, holding her son's lifeless body.

Stabat Mater Dolorosa

At the Cross her station keeping,
stood the mournful Mother weeping,
close to her Son to the last.

Through her heart, His sorrow sharing,
all His bitter anguish bearing,
now at length the sword has passed.

O how sad and sore distressed
was that Mother, highly blest,
of the sole-begotten One.

Christ above in torment hangs,
she beneath beholds the pangs
of her dying glorious Son.

Is there one who would not weep,
whelmed in miseries so deep,
Christ's dear Mother to behold?

Can the human heart refrain
from partaking in her pain,
in that Mother's pain untold?

For the sins of His own nation,
She saw Jesus wracked with torment,
All with scourges rent:

She beheld her tender Child,
Saw Him hang in desolation,
Till His spirit forth He sent.

O thou Mother! fount of love!
Touch my spirit from above,
make my heart with thine accord:

Make me feel as thou hast felt;
make my soul to glow and melt
with the love of Christ my Lord.

Holy Mother! pierce me through,
in my heart each wound renew
of my Savior crucified:

Let me share with thee His pain,
who for all my sins was slain,
who for me in torments died.

Let me mingle tears with thee,
mourning Him who mourned for me,
all the days that I may live:

By the Cross with thee to stay,
there with thee to weep and pray,
is all I ask of thee to give.

Virgin of all virgins blest!,
Listen to my fond request:
let me share thy grief divine;

Let me, to my latest breath,
in my body bear the death
of that dying Son of thine.

Wounded with His every wound,
steep my soul till it hath swooned,
in His very Blood away;

Be to me, O Virgin, nigh,
lest in flames I burn and die,
in His awful Judgment Day.

Christ, when Thou shalt call me hence,
be Thy Mother my defense,
be Thy Cross my victory;

While my body here decays,
may my soul Thy goodness praise,
Safe in Paradise with Thee. Amen.