I have been getting by lately. Not doing great, but not doing terrible. We made it through Father's Day (which was the same day as our 1 year anniversary) pretty well. It's been about 4 1/2 months and I am starting to move on some. And I don't feel guilty. I love Peter, and I will always miss him. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him and miss him to the depths of my heart. But I hear him telling me that it is time to move on.
People still tiptoe around the subject. I appreciate the concern for my feelings, but don't worry about bringing him up. It's not like you are bringing up some subject I have forgotten. I will never forget my son, or losing him, for that matter. I am trying to move on with my life and look forward, but he is never far from my mind.
That being said, I am trying to bring myself to order the headstone. Everyone around me is ready for it, but I feel like it will be so final. Maybe I am not ready yet to accept that he is gone and buried. I know there is no rush, but I just can't figure out what my hesitation is. In the meantime, we made a beautiful stepping stone to keep at his grave with his name and dates.
I guess I thought I had moved on more. We had thought for a little while about trying to get pregnant again, but we decided it was still too early. I need to get a job, but I'm not sure if I am ready.
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