It's been a while

I know it's been a while since I posted. See, the thing is that I have not had much to say. We made it through Mother's Day, Petey's due date on June 1, and Father's day is fast approaching. I also took a trip with my parents to Florida, which was really nice. Somehow I have finally settled into an existence that is not unbearable. It's just the constant buzz of dull pain.

Don't get me wrong, I have had some really good and really bad days. But things are getting slowly better. We are looking more toward the future and are taking comfort in the friendship on which our marriage is based. I really love my husband and he gets me a lot more than I realized. This Sunday, which is also Father's Day, we will have been married for a year.

Most married couples never go through as much as we have in their entire lives. For some reason, God thinks we can handle it. I'm not sure if I agree with Him, but I trust Him. I have been job hunting for a couple months, but have had 3 interviews and no job. I had a really weird interview yesterday that made me wonder if it was worth looking for a job. Sure, we could really use the money, but I have lost the spark inside of me that used to make me such a good salesperson. That must have died with Petey. I hope I can get it back somehow.

Thinking about another child does not scare me to death anymore. I keep thinking of the promise we made at our wedding to be open to life and a family. Yes, it would be really scary and anxious, and I will wait until we are cleared by the doctor, but it doesn't make me shake uncontrollably thinking of it. I could have the preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome again. But maybe I wouldn't. Having our rainbow baby might go a long way to heal us. Just a thought.

My fluid is going down, but my weight is not. I'm starting to look more normal now. Making progress helps me feel more normal.

I'll write more later, but I just wanted to update here. I wish you God's abundant blessings!