Friday, June 13, 2014

I'm still here!

It's been almost 3 months since I've published anything. It's not that I've been unwilling to write. I've written this post at least 2-3 times. I've felt the need to protect and insulate myself for a little while. We've got a game changer, a beautiful, unthinkable gift from above that we've been praying for and afraid to accept for at least a year! I'm PREGNANT!!!! God let Peter help pick out a little brother or sister from Heaven to send us. And our sweet little son gave his sibling a kiss on the cheek and sent him or her down to us. We found out Easter weekend, and I am now almost 12 weeks along. They call the child you bear after the loss of a baby the rainbow baby. This is because you have lived through the storm and God gives you a rainbow when the sunshine comes back out. Our rainbow is on the way, due December 28, 2014. Because of my health issues, they will deliver at about 36-37 weeks, so sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Hallelujah! I was not ready at first to say anything about our gift, for fear of losing this one too. It has been a very anxious, emotional journey so far, and I am sure it will continue. At first, I was not ready to believe it; for I was sure that I would miscarry and we would be left alone again. Then we could tell close friends, but now I'm finally ready to shout it from the rooftops!! Things have been so completely different that I almost don't recognize it. Last time, I was sick, swollen, and had moderately high blood pressure the whole time. This time I have lost 5 lbs, barely had morning sickness, and my blood pressure has been low at times. It has led me to be slightly nervous at how well things are going. I'd say at the moment we are cautiously optimistic. You may have noticed that I changed the blog name back to just "Tears for Peter". I did that because I will be focusing more on the issue of pregnancy after a loss. Some healthy things may make their way into the blog, but I feel the need to write more about this. That's all I have time for right now, but there will definitely be more writing coming soon! Just wanted to share my wonderful news!!!! Take care, Lauren <3

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