I got a phone call yesterday from Babies R Us asking me if I had received my 10% completion coupon for my registry and if I was coming in to stock up on last minute baby items. After politely telling the clueless sales girl that I would not be coming in because my baby was not here anymore, I realized that I am so sick of all of this pain. That's it--I'm going back to high school. It was so much easier then.
Between hospital bills, encounters with babies and pregnant moms, phone calls like that, and the countless little things that remind me that this was most certainly not a dream, I give up. I need a break. This week has been the toughest since we lost Peter, not because the pain is any worse, but because of the little reminders that come up. Everyone else is moving on and here I am with my heart half torn out just trying to survive another day. I didn't expect it to be like this.
It's just that everyone else is going back to normal and our life will never be "normal" again. We have to learn to live with half of our hearts missing. Not an easy thing to do. We can never go back to where we were before Peter was created, not that we would want to. But it would be nice to have a break sometimes.
Fluid loss is finally to 10 lbs!
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